Glam Candy: feel better

Okay so here's what I think.

I think everyone, at some point(s) in their lives experiences severe stress, anxiety, and/or depression.

Regardless of whether or not you want to admit it, it's true.

As for me -- this has been more than relevant in my life for the past several months and/or years.

Without getting into too much detail, I have experienced too many family deaths, illnesses, financial setbacks, heartbreak, disappointment and self-destroying moments. These instances have damn near destroyed me and I cannot tell you how many emotional breakdowns and anxiety attacks I have had because of those said moments.

I have been to that dark place. That place where no one ever wants to go. That place that is so hard to pull yourself out of. That place that is a pit of endless despair, darkness, fear and helplessness.

A few months ago I broke. I was trying to handle everything on my own and I just couldn't do it anymore.

I remember the very first time it happened. I was sitting on the couch, worrying, being negative; trying to control things I couldn't control. My arms and legs started to tingle. My heart literally started to ache. I was experiencing pains I had never felt before. I was hot, I was cold. My head began to hurt. I had a lump in my throat. I couldn't breathe. I was dizzy and nauseous. I remember being so scared. I thought I was dying.

But I wasn't -- I don't even remember how I calmed down, but the next day I called my doctor and made an appointment with her to make sure I was okay. And I was.

Of course everything I had experienced was attributed to anxiety.

I was familiar with anxiety -- I had already been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and seen a therapist before -- but what she said next was on a whole new level for me.

She said the D word............depression.

Never in my life did I think I would experience depression. But it made sense. Everything I had been experiencing leading up to that doctor's appointment had thrown me into the vicious cycle of depression.

I was drinking too much, smoking, not eating enough. I had wasted away to 88 pounds at 24 years old. I was crying every day, several times a day. I had withdrawn from anything and everything I loved. I didn't care. I didn't believe in myself anymore. I had no self-confidence. I thought I was ugly and didn't have anything to offer. I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone at all.

My world was crumbling around me and I couldn't do anything about it.

I felt as if no one understood what I was going through. I spent hours in my room, alone, in bed. I was exhausted. I called off work. I lost money. I sacrificed my reputation, friendships, and money because of my illness; which I am still trying to recover from.

A co-worker of mine "joked," suggesting I was pregnant, but I knew what it was; I just didn't want to admit it.

The world just swirled around me. My job, my friends, my family -- everything. I felt useless and meaningless. I was having panic attacks daily; chest pains, nausea, fear; you name it, I had it. I started to question my purpose in life. Why was I here? Who needed me? Did anyone care? What would happen if I wasn't here anymore?

Although I'm still finding my purpose, I know that I can fight the D word. I am bigger than the D word. I refuse to let it conquer me and take hold of my life. I have the support of my family, friends and others that care about me.

I am proof that it can get better.

There are people out there in this world that have it so much worse, which makes me feel like my depression and anxiety are meaningless and so miniscule. There are so many problems out there that are larger than depression and anxiety. In a crazy way, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I have my family, my friends, and my boyfriend who care about me. I'm grateful that I have food to eat, a roof over my head, and clothes to wear.

If I can get through it, so can you. My hope is that this post helps those of you who are struggling through the same difficulties that I have faced. All that I can say is that it gets better. I have finally started to smile more than I have frowned over the past few weeks. I have started to realize the endless blessings this life gives to us. I have looked to my family -- even to those who have left this Earth -- for guidance, and they have given me hope and peace.

This past weekend I visited my cousin's gravestone. He was 19 when he passed away, over a year ago. I couldn't help but feel extremely grateful for the life I am living -- despite all of its ups and downs. It really put things into perspective for me. It made me feel as if my problems were nothing at all. I wish he was still here.

There are so many things in life that can break us -- that can make us feel so very small and hopeless. But we have to keep going. There is hope for tomorrow. There is hope that tomorrow will be better than yesterday. Be grateful to be on this Earth, and never stop hoping and believing in tomorrow. You are worth more than you could ever imagine.

xoxoxo

Ok I promise after today I will be off my sick soap box and on to something better -- this cold has just been consuming my life lately so it's putting all these ideas in my head and been the topic of conversation the past few days. My apologies.

If you haven't visited my channel lately and seen my latest video, I uploaded a tutorial yesterday for how I ~~attempt to~~ make myself look somewhat normal when I'm under the weather (if you haven't seen the tutorial you can watch it below).

When I'm not feeling well I don't want to take an hour to get ready and I certainly don't want to pack on the makeup. I sure as hell won't be doing a smokey eye or a winged liner. I'm lucky that I can even lift a makeup brush to my face. Here are the 8 simple steps I take to look like myself again:

1. Moisturize. My nose (and for some reason) my eyelids get super dry. I like using Cetaphil's Ultra Hydrating Lotion for Sensitive Skin all over my face, concentrating around my nose.

2. Conceal. I don't even bother with foundation when I'm sick. I use Dermablend's Smooth Indulgence Concealer in nude because it covers up EVERYTHING. You can also use a concealer with a green tint to help hide redness, but make sure to apply a regular concealer over top as well. Don't forget to do the under-eye area! Concealing is absolutely necessary if you're applying makeup when you're sick.

3. Set. Depending on where I'm going I will set my concealer with a loose powder (I feel like loose powders provide more coverage than a pressed powder), that has a tint to it so my face doesn't look so pale. I love Bare Minerals for this step (I used a Maybelline loose powder in this tutorial because my Bare Minerals powder is a couple shades too dark for me right now).

4. Contour & Blush. Call me crazy but I hardly ever skip this step. I think applying a contour and a blush just helps to warm up your complexion, bring color to your face, and makes you look much better than you feel. In this tutorial I used a matte brown shadow for my contour and a pink baked powder from Milani for my blush. You can definitely skip contouring, but at least add a little blush to bring some color back into your face.

5. Eyes. I always like to have a little something on my eyes besides mascara. I use a matte shadow (either grey, brown, or whatever you prefer), and apply it to my upper lash line using an angled brush. To finish, I apply a couple coats of mascara. I used my favorite, the Maybelline Rocket Volume Express.

6. Eyebrows. No matter what I will always take at least 30 seconds to do my brows. For this look I skipped the Brow Wiz and used a powder from Lorac to just lightly fill in my brows. I set them using Anastasia's Brow Gel in Brunette.

7. Lips. You can totally skip a lipstick and just apply any chapstick or lip balm and be good to go. I love Burts Bees chapstick because the kind I use has a minty/tingly feeling that makes me feel like I put Vicks Vapo Rub all over my lips (despite the description it is actually a pleasant feeling). Sometimes I'll apply a nude lipstick over top just to give me a hint of color.

8. Hair. All I can say is: Keep. It. Simple. If your hair isn't a messy grease ball, go ahead and leave it down. For me, I think pulling it up just gives you a more polished look. My go-to is the sock bun and you can see how I achieve this look in the video.