The Leather Bound Book

I've played around with blogging for a little over four years now. Over these last few years my blog has changed its name, its focus, and of course its design.

I remember I wanted to try my hand at blogging because my love for writing wasn't able to be nurtured at my 9-5. I wanted to be able to embrace my deepest passion (and quite possibly the only thing I'm rather good at), whether others would stumble upon my little corner of the Internet or not. I never really cared about the views, I just wanted to write.

My uncle was a writer for one of the city's major newspapers. From a young age I looked up to him -- he wrote for the entertainment section of the paper and had the privilege of meeting and interviewing some very notable singers, songwriters, and authors during his career. When we still had the paper delivered to our house I would jump to the entertainment section and look for his latest piece. I must admit it was pretty cool seeing his name in the paper, reading his words, and knowing it was his work. He was -- and still is -- an incredibly talented writer. Although if he were to read this I'm sure he would shy at the compliment. 

As a kid I always kept a journal. I remember watching Harriet the Spy and wanting to be like her. In first grade I had my mom buy me a black and white composition notebook just like Harriet. I even tried to copy her handwriting (remember how she wrote her "y's"?). I wrote down everything I could about anything I could. In high school I took every writing course that was offered and jumped at the opportunity to join the school newspaper. Senior year I became co-editor-in-chief. Later that year I received a scholarship to one of the country's top journalism schools. I graduated with the school's only journalism award. Although I (somewhat regretfully) denied the journalism scholarship, I still decided to pursue journalism at another university. It wasn't until the end of my freshman year of college that I decided to not only switch schools, but switch majors as well. My future writing plans were over. 

Earlier this summer I was cleaning out my closet -- going through storage bins, shoeboxes of photographs -- and I stumbled across my memory box. This isn't your average memory box. It's a giant green rubbermaid container filled with sentimental pieces from my childhood. A piece of my own history. Guess what took up most of the box? My journals. Thinking about it now I can't even tell you how many notebooks are in there. I started thumbing through the pages of my journals and couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. Back then I wrote just to write. I realized, sadly, that I don't do that anymore. 

As I sit here writing this piece, I can't help but think about how a part of me has been missing for quite some time. This blog has had its small share of personal posts where I have talked about my struggles with depression, anxiety, and just the peaks and valleys of life in general. However, the main focus of this blog has been directed at beauty, fashion, and other "safe" topics. 

To my left, on the second shelf from the bottom of my bookshelf to be exact, sits a little leather bound book. An old key from 1867 attached to a leather strap helps secure the book closed. Inside its leather dust jacket is a published text of my own work: the first short story I wrote in my high school creative writing class. I remember my teacher telling me that it had the potential to be published. The further I got from my journalism career, the further I got from ever finalizing the story, and the further I got from ever attempting to get it published. 

Until he did it for me.

I know it's not "formally" published, but a few years ago he took the time to have my story printed and bound into the most special gift I have ever received. I definitely didn't deserve it at the time but he did it anyway. That little leather bound book to my left is one of my most cherished possessions that sits in this room. There is no gift I will ever receive that means what that little leather bound book and that antiquated key means to me. Right now it's staring at me, begging me to return to what I love.

Of course I will continue to blog about makeup, skincare, and hair styles. Those are things that interest me, things that I know a lot about, and things that I like to share with others. But with this fresh perspective (and help from my little leather bound book), I feel determined and ready to return to more personal pieces of writing... 

...Whether that be here, or perhaps in a personal journal that will someday be added to my green rubbermaid memory box. 

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Gratitude Journal | How to Jumpstart a Healthy Lifestyle

Credit // Pixabay

When I started working with my friend/health and wellness coach she asked me to start writing down a few things each day (morning and night) that I am grateful for. It was such a small step on my journey to living a healthier, more balanced lifestyle that I couldn't even begin to imagine how much of an impact it would have on my outlook of life. 

I always felt grateful for the life I led; my family, a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and so on. While I knew to always count my blessings, I had been getting caught up in negative thoughts which was subsequently reflected in my mood and attitude. I was in the middle of battling depression and frequent anxiety attacks; I was extremely pessimistic and quick to anger. I wasn't myself. I wasn't happy.

It wasn't until I started working with "Lucy" that I started to understand I needed to change my way of thinking.

Lucy gave me a simple task to jump start my new life. She told me to write down three things in the morning and three things in the evening that I was grateful for. That night I found a notebook at home, dubbed it my gratitude journal, and threw it in my tote bag to take to work.

The next morning I parked the car in my usual location and began the long trek up the hill to work. I couldn't help but notice my surroundings. I felt as if I had a heightened sense of awareness of the world around me. In the early hours of the morning I typically focused my attention on my lack of energy, my problems, and the long day ahead. On this particular morning I noticed the beautiful orange, pink, and purple colors of the sunrise. It was a warm, comforting feeling. I was in awe of its beauty. I couldn't help but think this was a metaphor for my new beginning...

When I got settled in at work that sunrise was the first item on my gratitude list. 

For those of you that need a new beginning, need to remind yourselves of life's blessings, or just need somewhere to start on your journey to a healthier lifestyle, I encourage you to take the first step and create a gratitude journal. Focus on three moments of gratitude in the morning and three in the evening. These can be major or minor moments. Something as simple as the sunrise, or something as significant as a job promotion. Anything to remind yourself of the great privilege it is to be alive.

So go on, grab yourself a notebook and a pen and begin your journey to a healthier, more positive life; sit back and watch as you see the world around you in a different light.

xoxo

Top 10 Things You Can Do to Make Monday a Little Less "Monday..."

Credit // pixabay

We all know Monday isn't exactly the 'favorite' as far as days of the week are concerned. It's the start to the work week, we're all coming down from the weekend high, and the last thing we want to do is wake up bright and early Monday morning and head to our 9-5's. 

I'm sure most of you share the same love-hate relationship I have with Sundays. You have your morning coffee (or mimosa if you're feeling extra fancy), spend a questionable amount of time lounging in your PJ's, catch up on reality TV, and if you're adventurous enough you may just put on normal clothes to run some errands...

...and then around 7 PM a wave of panic takes over your body as you realize you have just a couple short hours left of the weekend. Monday is looming before us and you shudder at the thought of setting your alarm for the morning. 

OK so maybe I am being a bit dramatic, but in all honesty, if I don't check a few things off my list Sunday evening (and first thing when I wake up the next day), I am a total spaz Monday morning and that is NOT how I like to start my week. So, if you want to make your transition from weekend to work week a little smoother, here's what you can do:

1. Take a Bath (or a hot shower). There is nothing that a hot bath or shower can't cure. I always sleep better when I feel squeaky clean. I also like to wash and dry my hair the night before so I don't have to deal with it in the morning. 

2. Meal Prep. I prep breakfast and lunch five days a week these days and let me tell you -- it makes all the difference. I pack up my lunch the night before, put it in the fridge, and I'm good to go. I set my blender bottle on the counter by my protein powder and I'm all set for my morning protein shake. 

3. Program the Coffee Pot. Good Lord is this a huge time saver. It's like magic. You walk downstairs and your coffee is already there...waiting for you...

Wine Wednesday | Cupcake Pinot Grigio

In my last video I asked anyone and everyone for some wine suggestions. I love my wine and lately I've been wanting to branch out and try some different brands. I also want to do a series here on my blog, and possibly on YouTube, featuring a different wine every week. Until I get some suggestions I will share what I have tried and loved (or maybe not loved). 

For this week, I present you with Cupcake's Pinot Grigio. I love myself a nice glass of Pinot. It is definitely what I gravitate towards the most. I love Cupcake because they are relatively inexpensive without sacrificing quality. When I buy Cupcake, a bottle typically costs me about $12. Here's what Cupcake Vineyards has to say about their Pinot Grigio:

Source: http://www.cupcakevineyards.com/product/wine/pinot-grigio

"Escape to Italy with our Pinot Grigio sourced from Trentino. Full and complex, this wine has a nose that hints of pineapple, pears and sweet lemons. Tropical fruits are integrated with the zest of citrus fruits and give way to a creamy mid-palate."

Enough said, right? If you are a fan of Pinot Grigio I highly recommend you give Cupcake a try. I have yet to try other wines by them but I am open to suggestions. I would love to hear opinions and recommendations for other brands to try!

Cheers,

xoxo

My Journey with a Health & Wellness Coach | Part One

A few months ago a former co-worker of mine reached out to me regarding a business she was establishing. She had always dreamed of starting her own health and wellness company and needed to take on a handful of clients to gain experience and practice before formally launching her business. She asked if she could take me on as one of her clients, so I agreed and I could not be happier that I did. 

My friend/health and wellness coach/life changer (let's call her Lucy), has been working with me for a couple of months now to help me completely revamp my lifestyle. What I love about what she does is that it's all on my own terms -- with her guidance, of course. 

Prior to our first consultation, Lucy had me fill out a detailed questionnaire about my lifestyle and medical history. At our initial meeting, Lucy discussed my information in a more relaxed setting, and from there we established small, easily attainable goals. Lucy explained that small, realistic goals are much more achievable than big-picture goals. Small goals are easier to accomplish and feel more rewarding (in my opinion). We talked about the changes I wanted to make in my life -- eating habits, exercise, energy, mood, etc. -- and went from there. We started out small: exercising twice a week, integrating healthy snacks twice a week, eating breakfast three times a week, going to bed before 10 PM twice a week, and so and so forth. Once I was able to accomplish these small goals, we started to increase the frequency of these healthy habits. I started to see that small goals yielded major changes.

With Lucy's coaching, I began to feel like a new person. I had more energy, I felt healthier, and I felt better about myself. One of my biggest issues going into this whole thing was my negative mood. For a long time prior to working with Lucy, I had felt horrible about myself. I didn't feel good. I had always suffered from anxiety and was going through a horrible bout of depression. Panic attacks would come and go quite often, and it was rare that I got more than 5 hours of sleep at night. I didn't feel like myself at all.

Although I know I still have a long ways to go, Lucy has helped me make a dramatic turnaround. I feel amazing. I have an incredibly different outlook on life. I have been listening to motivational speakers, reading and listening to audio books about healing your life, and I have taken an interest in daily affirmations and meditations. I have learned so much from Lucy, which has caused me to do my own research in how the mind works. 

What I have learned so far is that the mind is a powerful tool. We can train our minds to do anything. We can unlearn old habits and formulate new ones. We can train the way we think and react to everything that occurs in our lives. When you begin to train your mind to think differently, you will be amazed at how you view the world around you. It's almost as if a veil is lifted, and you are seeing things through a different lens. 

Another thing I have come to realize is that you are the only person can change how you feel. Not a single person or single tangible object can change how you feel. Sure, I will be the first to tell you that a brand new pair of shoes or a bag full of new clothes can lift your spirits, but only momentarily. Those purchases will not fill the void. It is you, and only you, that can truly make YOU happy. You have to really want that positive change to occur. You have to really want to let happiness in. You have to really want to change your thoughts.

Change your thoughts = change your life. Remember that you are in control. Negative thoughts lead to more negative thoughts and overall negativity. Positive thoughts lead to more positive thoughts and overall positivity. 

I will continue to update my journey as I work with Lucy. I hope you all allow positive thoughts to enter your mind and see the amazing changes that occur in your daily life.

xoxo

For All of Us...

Okay so here's what I think. 

I think everyone, at some point(s) in their lives experiences severe stress, anxiety, and/or depression. 

Regardless of whether or not you want to admit it, it's true. 

As for me -- this has been more than relevant in my life for the past several months and/or years.

Without getting into too much detail, I have experienced too many family deaths, illnesses, financial setbacks, heartbreak, disappointment and self-destroying moments. These instances have damn near destroyed me and I cannot tell you how many emotional breakdowns and anxiety attacks I have had because of those said moments. 

I have been to that dark place. That place where no one ever wants to go. That place that is so hard to pull yourself out of. That place that is a pit of endless despair, darkness, fear and helplessness. 

A few months ago I broke. I was trying to handle everything on my own and I just couldn't do it anymore. 

I remember the very first time it happened. I was sitting on the couch, worrying, being negative; trying to control things I couldn't control. My arms and legs started to tingle. My heart literally started to ache. I was experiencing pains I had never felt before. I was hot, I was cold. My head began to hurt. I had a lump in my throat. I couldn't breathe. I was dizzy and nauseous. I remember being so scared. I thought I was dying. 

But I wasn't -- I don't even remember how I calmed down, but the next day I called my doctor and made an appointment with her to make sure I was okay. And I was. 

Of course everything I had experienced was attributed to anxiety. 

I was familiar with anxiety -- I had already been diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and seen a therapist before -- but what she said next was on a whole new level for me. 

She said the D word............depression. 

Never in my life did I think I would experience depression. But it made sense. Everything I had been experiencing leading up to that doctor's appointment had thrown me into the vicious cycle of depression.

I was drinking too much, smoking, not eating enough. I had wasted away to 88 pounds at 24 years old. I was crying every day, several times a day. I had withdrawn from anything and everything I loved. I didn't care. I didn't believe in myself anymore. I had no self-confidence. I thought I was ugly  and didn't have anything to offer. I felt as if I couldn't trust anyone at all. 

My world was crumbling around me and I couldn't do anything about it. 

I felt as if no one understood what I was going through. I spent hours in my room, alone, in bed. I was exhausted. I called off work. I lost money. I sacrificed my reputation, friendships, and money because of my illness; which I am still trying to recover from.

A co-worker of mine "joked," suggesting I was pregnant, but I knew what it was; I just didn't want to admit it. 

The world just swirled around me. My job, my friends, my family -- everything. I felt useless and meaningless. I was having panic attacks daily; chest pains, nausea, fear; you name it, I had it. I started to question my purpose in life. Why was I here? Who needed me? Did anyone care? What would happen if I wasn't here anymore?

Although I'm still finding my purpose, I know that I can fight the D word. I am bigger than the D word. I refuse to let it conquer me and take hold of my life. I have the support of my family, friends and others that care about me. 

I am proof that it can get better.

There are people out there in this world that have it so much worse, which makes me feel like my depression and anxiety are meaningless and so miniscule. There are so many problems out there that are larger than depression and anxiety. In a crazy way, I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I have my family, my friends, and my boyfriend who care about me. I'm grateful that I have food to eat, a roof over my head, and clothes to wear. 

If I can get through it, so can you. My hope is that this post helps those of you who are struggling through the same difficulties that I have faced. All that I can say is that it gets better. I have finally started to smile more than I have frowned over the past few weeks. I have started to realize the endless blessings this life gives to us. I have looked to my family --  even to those who have left this Earth -- for guidance, and they have given me hope and peace. 

This past weekend I visited my cousin's gravestone. He was 19 when he passed away, over a year ago. I couldn't help but feel extremely grateful for the life I am living -- despite all of its ups and downs. It really put things into perspective for me. It made me feel as if my problems were nothing at all. I wish he was still here.

There are so many things in life that can break us -- that can make us feel so very small and hopeless. But we have to keep going. There is hope for tomorrow. There is hope that tomorrow will be better than yesterday. Be grateful to be on this Earth, and never stop hoping and believing in tomorrow. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. 

xoxoxo

When Life Hands You Lemons...

Life has gotten in the way of blogging lately, as you can clearly see judging by the lack of recent posts on my page. 

To be honest, I have been struggling to get through a really dark point in my life. To say that these last 12+ months have been difficult is the ultimate understatement. I lost a young family member, struggled immensely to begin my career, dealt with extreme financial set backs, was hurt in a bad car accident, and had significant changes in some of my relationships all while battling depression and anxiety. 

But this isn't meant to be a verbal pity party. It's more of a release, almost a therapy exercise if you will. 

I have let myself cry, I have let myself be angry. I have blamed myself and wondered why I appeared to be the victim of a seemingly never-ending series of unfortunate events. I have mentally and emotionally beat myself up over these things, with the thought that somehow this bad luck is my fault. 

As time has gone on, I have started to feel a little selfish. I closed myself off from the world. I was allowing myself to feel miserable. I was feeling sorry for myself. 

I don't know what changed, but I started to realize...recently...that there are an overwhelming amount of people who deal with extreme adversity yet choose to handle it with optimism and positivity. I started to realize that if I wanted things to change I had to make a change first. 

I can't change the fact that my young cousin lost his battle to cancer. But I can choose to remember him and the wonderful memories all of us cousins made together growing up. I can choose to remember him as a fighter and see him as an inspiration. 

I can't change the fact that I have had a slow start to my career. But I can change how I pursue it now and in the future. I can open myself up to taking risks and relocating in order to land my dream job. 

I can't change the fact that the woman wasn't looking and ended up totaling my car and sending me to the hospital, leaving me without a car and with other issues. I can't change the financial setbacks I've had. I can't change anything from the past. 

But I CAN change how I deal with it now and in the future. I can be grateful for the things I do have. I can be grateful that I have a loving family and friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, and many other things some people may not be able to have. 

We all have our moments where we forget to stop and count our blessings. We all have moments of weakness and moments where we retreat to that dark place. But even in those darkest of moments it's important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel -- that someone out there has gone through something similar, or even worse, before. 

I am queen of giving advice yet not being able to follow my own. I am working on this. I am in repair. But I am striving to make a change and lead a more positive, optimistic, and grateful life. I am realizing that no matter how hard today may seem, tomorrow is always going to be better. I am seeing things differently for the first time in a very, very long time. 

I will be returning to regular blogging and posting of YouTube videos as soon as possible. Thank you, if you read and put up with my ramble. :)

xoxo

Horoscope.......Schmoroscope?

I am a Libra. Somehow I wound up with the worst sign ever when it comes to an alias. I got the freaking scales. SCALES!? I totally get what that represents (and it makes sense for me), but why  can't I have something cool like a lion or a scorpion or something like that? All sorts of people get awesome tattoos of their signs and if I wanted to do that I'd have to get an old-school scale that reminds me of freshman year of high school when we did a unit on rocks and minerals. I do not want a zodiac tattoo that reminds me of rocks and minerals.

Regardless of how lame the Libra alias is (not dissing on you if you like the symbol), my horoscope likes to scare the crap out of me by being extremely accurate at least 90% of the time. I always take it with a grain of salt, but somehow I can almost always find some aspect of my life that relates to my daily horoscope. Don't get me started on the overall description of a typical Libra. Take my yearly "forecast" for example (yes, I'm one of those people who has an app on my phone which makes it easy to check up on my "fate" whenever I please):

Um, hello? If you knew me on a more personal level, you would understand how crazy dead-on accurate this is. I am all about balance and fairness - I shake at the thought of conflict or confrontation. I constantly feel the need to defend those who cannot or will not defend themselves. I am a walking talking advocate for world peace, sunshine, and happiness. I find myself often wondering why we can't all just get along in this crazy messed up world. Scary accurate, right? 

But how does this work? How is it possible that I can almost always find a way to relate to my horoscope? And how is it possible that the attributes of a Libra just happen to describe my personality almost perfectly? What about people who aren't Libras that also fit the description? I am by no means saying that I rely on my horoscope to determine my life, or at least the course of my day, but how freaky is it that they align so closely almost every time? I wonder if there is anyone out there with a zodiac sign that is the complete opposite of their personality. 

So what's up with these horoscopes? Are they for real or are they just a crock of crap? I'd like to believe there is some truth to them all (especially the good ones that make you feel like everything will turn out okay for the day), but who really knows?

[PS linking up with The Dwelling Tree and Southern Beauty Guide again. Check out their awesome link-up!]

xoxo

Excuse Me While I Whine About My Cold

Being sick is somewhat cool for like, a day, and then you're ready to climb out of your germ-infested blanket/cocoon of hell and bounce back to your old, healthy self. Having a cold sometimes turns you into a runny-nosed, lung-hacking diva who whines and groans at the sheer idea of moving from the bed. You have irrational thoughts. You can't breathe. You can't sleep. Even worse you temporarily have no sense of taste and therefore no appetite. 

This has been me for the past few days. Sick, dramatic, pathetic, disgusting, etc. I have been desperately trying to consume anything and everything I can to speed up the process and get this ish out of my body. Here's what I've had on hand since Saturday:

1. Tissues, duh. This is self-explanatory and incredibly obvious. Assume you will have a pile of used, nasty, crumpled tissues on the floor by your bed because, well, I certainly do.

2. Water. I remember when I got sick when I was little my doctor would ALWAYS tell me to drink plenty of water. I would always ignore the lady's expert advice and down my sugary apple juice when my mom wasn't looking. But seriously water is your best friend. Apparently water helps to thin out all that nasty mucus stuff and whatever gross sick-y things are inside your body. I have a massive tumbler filled with water next to my bed and then an extra water bottle on hand. Once they are both gone I fill them back up. DON'T. STOP. DRINKING. WATER.

3. Meds. Okay, so I totally respect the fact that there are tons of people out there who prefer the natural remedy route when it comes to illnesses, but if you are choosing to take any sort of over-the-counter meds, make sure you actually follow the directions and take it every 4-6 hours or whatever the packaging says. My doctor always tells me it takes time for your body to adjust and absorb whatever is in the medication, so it's important to actually take it as directed so it can do its job.

4. Fruits, veggies, green juice, etc. The more vitamins and healthy goodness you can shove into your body the better. For some odd reason the only thing I crave when I'm sick is fruit. I guess that's a good thing. Better fruit than bread and/or cheese.

5. Warm Lemon & Honey Water. I like to squeeze half a lemon and add a nice sized amount of honey into some warm water and down that like it's a good glass of wine. Water, lemon, and honey are supposed to be good for coughing and congestion. I also like the typical cup of green tea with honey as well for soothing my throat and whatnot.

c/o simply recipes

6. Cough Drops. I pop these bad boys like there's no tomorrow. My favorite is the Ricola Honey Lemon (there's that combo again). Halls is always good too, but I like something that tastes a little better.

7. Vicks and/or a Hot Steamy Shower. There is a fraction of a moment in time during my sicklyness where I am filled with the false hope that I am miraculously feeling better and that is when I am in the steam room aka shower. Something about the feeling of being super clean and the steaminess of the shower makes me feel like I could run a marathon. It's not 'til after I step out of the shower and into reality that I once I again feel like I was hit by a bus. It's always nice while it lasts.

Love Vicks Vapo Rub, always have, always will. I always put a tiny bit just under my nose to help clear up my stuffy-ness.

Well, besides the obvious (movies, blankets, etc.) these are the things I need when I am under the weather. Hopefully by the time you're reading this I will have kicked this cold's ass into next year. Hope you all are doing your best to keep in good health!

Oh and PS -- I'm linking up with Chelsee from Southern Beauty Guide and a bunch of other lovely ladies for the Let's Be Friends Blog Hop -- check it out!

xoxo

Back That Azz Up...Queen B Style

Happy Friday!
I wish every day was Back That Azz Up Friday -- but I guess if it was, it wouldn't make Friday's in the blog world so special. Whitney from I Wore Yoga Pants to Work is a genius and I just couldn't pass up this link-up any longer.  I had to share some of my favorite Beyonce jams...before my car accident I would BLAST her music with the windows down...even in 30 degree weather. It was worth it. All hail Queen B.

xoxo

Sunday Social

Linking up for Sunday Social hosted by Neely! 

1. Name 4 jobs you’ve had in your life.
    Hollister, Panera, Substitute Teacher, and "Lego Lady" aka instructor/birthday party host.

2. Name 4 movies you would watch over and over.
    Couples Retreat, The Proposal, Wedding Crashers & Just Go With It.

3. Name 4 places you have lived.
    New Jersey, Illinois, Pennsylvania...and then moved at least once in each state? That's all I got.

4. Name 4 of your favorite foods.
    Stuffed Shells, Mac & Cheese, Lasagna, and Pasta Salad...notice how everything involves noodles!

5. Name 4 things you always carry with you.
    Rimmel Pressed Powder in translucent, any lipstick I am currently wearing, Orbit gum, and my cell  
    phone.

6. Name 4 places you have been on vacation.
    Hawaii, Ft. Lauderdale, Disney World, and Hilton Head.

xoxo

Coffe Talk...With Wine. Stress & Persevering Through Tough Times

So I've been thinking for a while now about starting a series on my blog/YouTube channel and I've come up with one called "coffee talk." I figured I could discuss topics that are relevant to my life or might be relevant to some of my readers/viewers. Watch the video below or read on for more information!

"...But I Don't Understand Why You Have to Wear Makeup."

To be completely honest, most days I prefer my made-up face to my fresh face that scares greets me each morning. I could list all my imperfections and each feature that bugs the heck out of me and shoots my confidence to its lowest point, but that wouldn't be good for anyone. 

I started wearing makeup because I wanted to. I don't really remember exactly what I started with but I do recall buying Covergirl and NYC at the drugstore a lot. In middle school a friend of mine came in one day wearing a full face of makeup saying, "My mom told me I needed to start wearing makeup because I look like a ghost." Perplexed, my pre-teen self was wondering (1) how a mother could essentially force her own daughter to wear makeup, and (2) how this poor girl could display any resemblance to ghost. Regardless of the circumstances I was intrigued by this whole "makeup" thing.

Credit: Girlishh

I have had some extremely embarrassing makeup mishaps over the years, and it wasn't until the past year or two that I really got into makeup. I watched video after video, read magazines, did my research, and started to really learn how to apply makeup -- and to apply it well. I developed a love for it (I guess you could call it a "hobby" of some sort), and that's obviously one of the major reasons I started this blog.

I can't tell you how many times my BF has told me I should just "not wear makeup," or that he thinks I look beautiful without makeup. While my heart melts when he says these things, I tell him I can't help myself. I simply just love wearing makeup. 

Sure, I love that it covers my imperfections. I wouldn't be human if I didn't. I love that I can match my extremely pale face to my much-tanner body with a little bit of product. I love that I can contour my face to "hide" some of my not-so-favorite features. I love that I can use all sorts of colors, highlights, and tools to bring out my favorite features. I love playing around with different products, tools, and techniques. It's fun for me, and I wear it because I love it. I wear it for me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid to go without makeup. I'm not one of those girls who refuses to step out the door without an ounce of product on her face. I can do it, but I prefer the sleek, clean, flawless looking face I can achieve with my makeup. Call it crazy or whatever you like, but I don't see a damn thing wrong with loving how you look with makeup on. :)

xoxo

When is it Time to Let Go?

deeplifequotes

Let me set aside the beauty talk and get real for a minute. 

Recently I've found myself in the midst of an unfortunate conflict. For over a month now I have been holding on to a great deal of anger and hurt feelings...emotions that stemmed from an ordeal where I felt I was wronged and -- in all honestly -- completely mistreated. After a couple weeks with no progress or effort from the other party, I reached out in an attempt to express my feelings and hopefully make amends. When my sincere attempt turned out to be a total bust, I was beside myself. Hurt, frustrated, and confused I stopped trying to fix a situation where I felt (and still feel) that I did nothing wrong. What is most hurtful is that there is no communication from the other end. 

This past month has forced me to reflect and take a deeper look inside myself. I replayed the said situation over and over and over in my head. I sought out family members, my BF, friends and close co-workers for advice. I prayed, I cried, I got angry. I've lost so much sleep and I swear the stress of this situation on top of everything else has caused my hair to shed more than normal (yikes). Some days are worse than others.

But over the past couple of days I've started to wonder: maybe it's time to just let go? Let go of the whole situation, let go of those I have been hurt by, let go of the sadness, the anger, the disappointment, and all the other negative emotions I've been feeling. Unfortunately it is much easier said than done, but I think I'm getting there.

Sunday Social!

Linking up for Sunday Social again with Neely! I also plan on filming a video to go with these questions today so be on the look out for that :)





1. What is currently on your wish list?
I'm really lusting after a nice digital camera. Since I started filming YouTube videos (my MacBook camera isn't exactly high quality), I want something of higher quality that I can use to film with. Like this one:

Canon EOS Rebel T3i Digital SLR Camera

2. Share a new iPhone, droid, iPad app that you have recently discovered that we all need.
I don't know about "discovered" but I've been using YouTube Capture (to film vlogs) and I'm also loving PicFX. With PicFX you can edit pictures (sort of like Instagram) and save them to your phone or upload them onto your social media accounts. I believe it's $1.99 but I love it!

3. What is a new fall tv show that you have added to your dvr? 
Trophy Wife, for sure. Love Malin Ackerman!

4. Share your social media links so we can follow you. (Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, etc) Tell us which is your favorite and why.

Twitter: @glamcandyxo
Instagram: glamcandy_xo
Pinterest: esawchak

I think Pinterest is probably my favorite. I can get lost on there for hours looking at makeup, home decor, fashion, holiday stuff...the list is endless. 

5. What is a tv show, movie, or song that you could watch or listen to over and over and never get tired of? 
FRIENDS. Hands down. I'm beyond obsessed and I watch it pretty much every day (I have it on right now). Movie and song is definitely too hard for me to pick.

Someone Buy Me a Dream Catcher

It's the middle of the afternoon here on the East Coast and I'm on my second cup of coffee since 10:30 this morning. Thank goodness I don't work until the evening or I'd be in trouble. After a rather rough day yesterday I found myself having an extremely difficult time falling asleep last night. I tossed and turned until I gave in around a quarter 'til one and went into the bathroom to grab some NyQuil. Not only had my mind been racing every time I closed my eyes, but the cough that still lingered from my now two week long cold was making it tough to get comfortable. 

I laid down and waited for the NyQuil to kick in and next thing I know I'm groggily being awoken by my alarm. After I hit snooze I was flooded with a series of terrifying, awful, unbelievably ridiculous dreams/nightmares. When my alarm went off again at 9:30 I wanted to cry because everything felt so horribly real and I couldn't tell if I had dreamt everything in the two short hours since my alarm first went off or if some of it was from when I was sedated by the NyQuil. Either way, it felt like I had 20 dreams in one night and they all lumped together in some weird connected story line. 

I won't get into the psychotic, tragic, and slightly paranormal details of my dreams, but I know for a fact that I have never experienced such crazy nightmares before in my life. I'm not about to get on google and look up the metaphorical interpretation of my dreams because that stuff just scares the crap out of me (no offense if you're a fan of this). Plus, I truly believe a good chunk of what I dreamt last night directly relates to a lot of things I'm stressed and overwhelmed by here in real life. As someone who studied psychology in college (not my major, however), and has dealt with anxiety for many years, I'm really into psychologically analyzing dreams, emotions, etc. For example, I was having this recurring dream for a while where my teeth kept falling out. One of the symbolic or metaphoric interpretations behind that dream was that someone in your life was going to pass away. UM ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Last time I ever looked up the symbolic interpretation of anything. The psychological interpretation of that dream was that you are concerned about your appearance and what people think about your appearance (it can also mean that you are feeling insecure about something). BINGO. I had been feeling rather insecure at the time and that made total sense when I looked into the psychological meaning behind the dream.

Regardless of the meanings or reasonings behind my dreams last night, one thing is abundantly clear: I need a little more zen in my life. I need to learn to de-stress, worry less, and really have some quality R&R. I had high hopes of crossing off a number of items on my to-do list before heading into work, but I think I'll be attempting to nap instead. Maybe I should dig through my closet to see if I have my old dream catcher first?

xoxo

Why It's Totally OK to Move Back Home After College

Not too long ago I witnessed a rather heated confrontation take place between two adults where the topic of living at home in your mid-twenties was brought to the surface. As I listened I heard the word "loser" used carelessly and inconsiderately by the older adult, who clearly was angry about something completely unrelated to the said topic. I thought to myself, "Loser? C'mon man. LOSER?!" The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became.

While I stewed in my own anger, I thought about my experience.

While I was in college I shared an apartment with a roommate for my junior and senior years. I went home frequently on the weekends, but for the most part I was pretty freakin' independent. Paid my rent, shopped for my own groceries for the most part, and supported myself as much as possible, unless I was super low on cash and my parents offered to help by temporarily paying for essentials. I didn't have a car at the time and the bus that ran all over the city and its outskirts was free with my student ID, so I had that "luxury" at my fingertips.

After undergrad I left my little two bedroom apartment and returned home while I attended grad school.  Moving home was one of the most uncomfortable, valuable, difficult, yet life-saving experiences I could have had as a graduate student. My family was happy to have me (but probably not all the extra furniture), despite the number of times we butted heads getting used to all living under the same roof again.

I struggled to regain my independence and fought to establish my role back at home; many times I felt as if I were 16 again, fighting against my parents rules, and not living the "normal" 20-something lifestyle some of my friends were experiencing.

But you know what? I found out that my situation -- a 20-something graduate student living at home -- wasn't all that abnormal for this generation. UH, in FACT, an article from ABC news from June of this year said that the "smartest thing you can do after graduation [is to]...move back home." TIME said back in 2011 that as much as 85% of grads were moving back home just a couple years ago. Who's the loser now?!