Life has gotten in the way of blogging lately, as you can clearly see judging by the lack of recent posts on my page.
To be honest, I have been struggling to get through a really dark point in my life. To say that these last 12+ months have been difficult is the ultimate understatement. I lost a young family member, struggled immensely to begin my career, dealt with extreme financial set backs, was hurt in a bad car accident, and had significant changes in some of my relationships all while battling depression and anxiety.
But this isn't meant to be a verbal pity party. It's more of a release, almost a therapy exercise if you will.
I have let myself cry, I have let myself be angry. I have blamed myself and wondered why I appeared to be the victim of a seemingly never-ending series of unfortunate events. I have mentally and emotionally beat myself up over these things, with the thought that somehow this bad luck is my fault.
As time has gone on, I have started to feel a little selfish. I closed myself off from the world. I was allowing myself to feel miserable. I was feeling sorry for myself.
I don't know what changed, but I started to realize...recently...that there are an overwhelming amount of people who deal with extreme adversity yet choose to handle it with optimism and positivity. I started to realize that if I wanted things to change I had to make a change first.
I can't change the fact that my young cousin lost his battle to cancer. But I can choose to remember him and the wonderful memories all of us cousins made together growing up. I can choose to remember him as a fighter and see him as an inspiration.
I can't change the fact that I have had a slow start to my career. But I can change how I pursue it now and in the future. I can open myself up to taking risks and relocating in order to land my dream job.
I can't change the fact that the woman wasn't looking and ended up totaling my car and sending me to the hospital, leaving me without a car and with other issues. I can't change the financial setbacks I've had. I can't change anything from the past.
But I CAN change how I deal with it now and in the future. I can be grateful for the things I do have. I can be grateful that I have a loving family and friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, and many other things some people may not be able to have.
We all have our moments where we forget to stop and count our blessings. We all have moments of weakness and moments where we retreat to that dark place. But even in those darkest of moments it's important to remember that you are not alone in how you feel -- that someone out there has gone through something similar, or even worse, before.
I am queen of giving advice yet not being able to follow my own. I am working on this. I am in repair. But I am striving to make a change and lead a more positive, optimistic, and grateful life. I am realizing that no matter how hard today may seem, tomorrow is always going to be better. I am seeing things differently for the first time in a very, very long time.
I will be returning to regular blogging and posting of YouTube videos as soon as possible. Thank you, if you read and put up with my ramble. :)
xoxo
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